Reasons for Silence, Change

Ugh. The Arctic lows have pushed south and knocked our +15C temps of last weekend back down to -20C today. Talk about a bipolar existence...back into hibernation mode. Fuck am I ever getting fat. I hate winter so much.

I'm still in the gym five days a week trying to get bigger -- thank god for my workout partner's persistence -- no doubt some of the disturbing weight gain I've been seeing is partially attributable to that, but my running/cycling regimen this winter has been spotty to say the least. Definitely not enough cardio for weight maintenance. I'm trying to get back to running 3-4 days a week like previous winters but it hasn't been happening fast enough with the exceptionally cold weather we had in late December/early January. I'm starting a weekly 2-hour spin class next week and getting back to running at least 2-3 times a week. Hopefully that's enough to hold the cellulite at bay until spring when I can start shedding weight again.

So, I'm doing a bit of the silent thing on here recently for several reasons in addition to the weather, lack of daylight, an injured rotator cuff and exhausting workout and volunteering schedules.

The PC has been bogged down with a trojan horse virus so I'm spending most of the time backing up files to the end of December so I can do a restore back to January 1st before the virus showed up. Hopefully it works, as this one is particularly bitchy and would otherwise be almost impossible to purge out of the system. It likes its connection to the Internet so I've been keeping the plug pulled to prevent it from inflicting any more damage than it already has. I have never had a virus that my antivirus never caught, but for some reason this Virtumonde/Vundo one evaded detection. Fuck, I really lose faith in humanity when I think too much that people spend time writing these things. The conspiracy theorist in me also thinks that it all comes down to money; you know someone's paying big money to have this stuff designed; maybe even the antivirus software companies? Grrr...

I'm only getting on here on the occasional evenings when I pull out the work laptop to check out the gay site and fetish site profiles and messages.

Another reason for the silence has been very personal. I've made the final decision to walk away from my 8.5 year relationship. I'm moving into my own place on March 1st. I plan to sublet a friend's apartment until the end of August when he moves back from Edmonton to take his MBA. By that time I hope to have set up things for myself in Vancouver to make the transition out to the Pacific coast, finally. I'm tired of complacency, having things holding me back, and having ambition drained out of me. I am finally going to have the chance to live my life the way I think it should be lived, not the way other people expect me to live it. How exciting!!!

I honestly don't know if there is anyone out there that can keep up with me; I honestly think, at least for this point in my life, I'm better off alone than in a long-term relationship with someone. It's too stressful and disappointing, and not fair to the other person I'm involved with.

It's time to make lots of changes.

I've been in Calgary ten years; been there, done that. Was that it? This city has shown me all that it has to offer and it's time to go bigger and better. Time to break the silence and come out screaming!