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The Battle of the Bulge

The Battle of the Bulge / Chatting with SF Ballet's Helgi Tomasson about men in tights
by Ken Baker, special to SF Gate
Published 4:00 am, Friday, July 27, 2001

"Is this the men's class?" a male dancer asks with a smirk. "Because I'm not sure I'm man enough."

He is tall and, like most of the 25 or so other San Francisco Ballet dancers stretching and prancing about the mirror-lined room, he's in his mid-20s. The dark-haired dancer also sports ass cheeks so muscular even a hard spank couldn't make them jiggle. By some people's definitions, he is all man. But to others -- including my Archie Bunker-esque dad and just about every guy I grew up with back in Buffalo, New York -- he is a pansy.

Just as I'm assessing the talent of these muscular young men brave enough to wear crotch-happy tights, in walks the San Francisco Ballet's legendary artistic director, Helgi Tomasson, who has kindly allowed me to observe his Friday-morning class for the male members of our city's world-class ballet company. Helgi (pronounced HELL-gee) is much older (58) than all his dancers, and they respectfully snap to attention the moment the gray-haired dance master commences class with a crisp clap.

Helgi is San Francisco's guru of guys in tights. That's why I'm here. If anyone can explain to me why it is that a male occupation requiring the arms of A-Rod and the vertical leap of Allen Iverson remains just to the left of Richard Simmons on our culture's machismo scale, it is Helgi Tomasson, a former star with the New York City Ballet who joined the San Francisco Ballet in 1985.

I have been pondering our culture's peculiar gender syllogism ever since last year, when I saw "Billy Elliot," a film about a British lad who dreams of becoming a ballet dancer, in spite of his father's macho protestations. I cried. Snot-filled buckets. The kid in the movie reminded me of myself, of the day I was 11 and I told my father that I -- who had been playing ice hockey since age 8 -- now wanted to try figure skating (which is basically ballet on ice). Dad nixed the idea with a grunt and an emasculating quip: "Figure skating is for pussies."

Maybe, in the recesses of my 31-year-old repressed mind, I still want to be a ballet dancer. Maybe Helgi will see the sturdy legs on my 5'11" frame and say, "Hey, Ken, you should be a dancer!"

As I watch the ballet class begin and the men hold the barre for balance during their warm-up positions, all I can think about is the one aspect of ballet I'd suspect keeps most boys playing sports like hockey: the Bulge. Not Helgi's -- he's wearing jeans. The dancers' tights, however, leave little of their bulbous packages to the imagination. (Note to the curious: Package placement is much like the proper storage position of an airplane seat-back tray: in the up and locked position.) I note in my pad to ask Helgi about "the Bulge" in our postclass interview.

The talent level in the room is impressive. Within 20 minutes, the guys are throwing pirouettes and grand jetés all across the floor. When the pianist stops and the dancing continues I'm struck at how quiet the room is. For all their physical exertion, these guys exhibit as much disciplined physicality as football players show reckless abandon. This, I conclude, is what makes ballet dancers more than mere athletes. Because of their poise and grace, they are artists. Strong. Disciplined. Manly, indeed.

The hour-long class is nearly over, but I've worked up such a thirst watching their high-energy workout that I have to walk quietly outside to the water fountain in the hallway. There, I find a couple of teenage boys in dance tights sitting on a bench, waiting for their summer-session class to start. When I ask one of the them -- a 15-year-old kid from Florida -- how he deals with those who might tool on him about the effeminate stereotype of male dancers, he replies, "My dad doesn't think it's manly. He hates it." The boy grimaces, then shrugs his shoulders. "But I don't care. I love it."

But what about those tights? Aren't they sort of, well, uncomfortable?

"At first," the other teen chimes in, "you're a little self-conscious, but you get used to them after a while. Plus, I mean, they're no different than bike shorts."

Good point.

The class ends. Helgi and I head to his office for a quick chat on his soft chairs. I'm careful to show good posture; he seems to be a stickler for that, at least with his dancers. (Who knows? Maybe I still have a shot.)

Helgi tells me he is from Iceland and that when he started dancing at age 9, he was the only boy in a school of 200 girls. He points out that while the balance of the sexes isn't nearly as bad here, he is troubled that fewer and fewer boys are taking ballet. "There's always a little bit of a shortage on the male side," Helgi says. "I have a lot of young boys in this school who have that passion and want to dance, but all too often there is peer pressure."

Even in San Francisco, whose people usually pride themselves on their socially liberal culture, the stigma of effeteness keeps boys from sliding into slippers and wiggling into tights. "There has been a drop-off in the number of boys," Helgi says. "There is more acceptance of dance for boys in other countries. In Russia, to be a major ballet star is to be like a movie star in this country. We do not have that tradition in this country."

At this point, I think maybe this is a good time to bring up the whole bulge issue. I briefly consider suggesting that if he didn't make boys wear those ball-huggers -- how about gangsta-style jeans? -- more guys would give it a shot. I mean, football pants are pretty much just ballet tights with padding. (But then, NFL players don't spend much time on their tiptoes.) Instead, I diplomatically suggest that maybe "that whole tights thing" makes young boys uncomfortable. Helgi smiles. "You wear tights because you have to be able to see the body and how the muscles are working," he says. "If you cover the body up, it is hard for a teacher to be helpful to a student." He adds, "But I understand that pressure."

Sitting there with Helgi talking about the dearth of male dancers, I start getting, well, angry. It's at moments like this that I weep for my gender. We're so hung up on our bodies that we don't want to wear tights, lest we show the world the size of our package. The shame! The horror! The reality.

And then I start thinking about all the great men in tights: Superman, Batman, Robin Williams in "The Birdcage." And think what you want about that pumpkinhead Scott Hamilton; in my book, any guy who can do backflips on ice skates is a stud.

So who knows? Maybe it's time we men evolve beyond the point of being ashamed of our asses and packages. Maybe it's time we, like women have for a while now, let it all hang out. Women show off their breasts. Why don't we exhibit our units?

Before leaving, I fish for an invitation to try out by coyly asking Helgi what physical traits he looks for in male dancers.

"Well, they have to be strong in the arms and legs, so they can lift the ladies," he says.

(I'm pretty strong.)

"And I look for good proportions. For someone who has a long torso and short legs, it is going to be much harder for them to do the leaps."

(Damn! My legs have always been too short for my body. As an infant, my parents even nicknamed me "Stubs.")

Concerned about my proportions, I point to my denim-covered legs and say, "So I guess I wouldn't make a good dancer, huh?"

"I wouldn't say that," he says, inspecting my goods. "You have a good body."

Luckily, he couldn't see my bulge.

Dressing Up for the Holidays

I had been thinking a lot about how to incorporate rubber into some holiday parties happening where I'd be able to get away with it, then Si's pictures showed up on Facebook. Thanks for the great idea, Si!

I have a casino-themed birthday party to go to shortly after Christmas where this will be perfect. I'm going to get my collar, cuffs and bowtie this weekend....I already have the catsuit ;)

Rubberstud of the Week #293

R.I.P. Paul Walker

Sad news was reported this weekend that Paul Walker and his friend were killed in a car crash in Valencia, CA on Saturday. Rising to fame in the Fast and Furious movie series in addition to numerous other roles, he personified the traditional California hunk. By all accounts he was a very charitable, energetic and affable individual, and the loss rang quite loudly across social media on Sunday.

Very sad news, indeed. I have had a crush on Paul since he first appeared on the scene in 1999. R.I.P. Paul.

Multi-pronged Approach

Is this a record for number of exposed dildos? He's gonna be a busy guy!

Separated At Birth?

Out with the Old, In with the New

I always like to see what the Rubber Retailers have up their tight sleeves as far as outwork picked out and themes decided on for their new year's calendars. I have amassed a few of Invincible and Stockroom's calendars over the past few years, but one that always eluded me was the Blackstyle calendar. Personally, I think Blackstyle's artwork and photography for their website, promotional materials, and catalogs is some of the best around. Remember those two hot naked guys pressed together in that standing vac-sheet and breathing through tubes? Seared in my memory...

They seem to pull off the best balance of perversion, sexuality and art the best. They have many chasing their lead but they always seem to pull ahead. We'll see what people think of the artwork for their 2014 calendar. I think they have put the full 12-month calendar on one page, which is regrettable. I still love seeing a new horny image every 30 days!

This bomber is da bomb.

What can I say about the bondage suit other than, "yes, please!"?

No words. Simply no words.

Multiple Hard Spots

Yikes! This hits so many perv pressure points for me! :)

Poor, blue-eyed beauty.

(Almost) Black Friday

I submitted the first (!) of my Christmas orders for new rubber today; I'm not sure if it will be the last but it was time to do some re-stocking of my rubber closet with some new shit that isn't torn, split or degrading...the repair pile is getting high; if someone knows a rubber repair person that can save a bunch of my stuff, please send them my way. I need help!

So here's what I got from Invincible Rubber. Why did I go with Invincible, you ask? Well their stuff is some of the first stuff I bought and though much of it has needed some repair over the years, it is the stuff that has stood the test of time the best. And Paul and the boys are pretty cool and great at supporting the rubber communities in the UK and elsewhere. That matters a lot to me, considering some of the suits I've had that have only stood up for a half dozen wears before disappointing me made from companies you don't hear a peep from otherwise. I'm looking forward to discussing the modifications (hopefully) with them!

Firstly, a simple Rubber Surfsuit Thru Zip (Size: Medium)
Latex Colour: Black
Zip colour: Black
Latex gauge: 0.45mm/0.17-.2"
I've been wanting a simple surfsuit for playtime for awhile now.

Secondly, Rubber Chaps With Buckle Waist Band (Waist size: 34")
Inside leg: 34"
Latex colour: Black
Zip colour: Red
Inside leg stripe width: 1 x 1cm Stripes
Stripe colour: Red
Lace colour: Red
Thigh size in cms: 59
A sexy pair of chaps that will actually fit me! And look great in the sling ;)

Next, a Dildo Mask! I've been wanting one forever!
So....fucking....hot. I'm getting a boner just thinking about using this on a guy.

And of course more asstoys:
Inflatable Grenade Large Dildo (Colour: Black)
More inflatables! More inflatables!

and finally, a heavier weight Rubber Zip Shoulder Catsuit with Codpiece (Size: Medium)
Latex Colour: Black
Zip colour: Black
Optional rear zip: Black
Latex gauge: Black 0.55mm/0.20-.25"
A rubberman's black cocktail dress. I don't have a pristine one at the moment.

Hex

REALLY liking Ego Assassin's new men's HEX Line.

I have a few EA items, would love to get more from them, including a full body MESH suit ;)

Rubberfranky

How'd I miss his new video? HOT!

...and of course, I will also include one of my Rubberfranky faves:

The Hottest Ginger

...on two blades! I've gushed over Jon Montgomery before; he's back in the news again as Sochi 2014 approaches and he apparently didn't make the cut to the Canadian skeleton team this year. Too bad, he's very nice to look at ass-up in spandex on a skeleton sled and gave us one of our most memorable Canadian moments from our best Olympics ever as a nation when he won gold and drank from a pitcher of beer passed to him in Whistler town square heading to his medal ceremony.

In addition, he also hosts the Canadian version of The Amazing Race. I haven't had an opportunity to see much of the show but I'm sure he's as handsome as ever, judging from the press junket shots of him.

 

He's so hot; I dream that he's hung like a ginger horse too!

***

Now, segueing onto the topic of Sochi...what the Russian politicians are doing, so much like politicians all over the world is pander to their base. Putin's base is not a well-educated or progressive base, but it's all about money and power....I guess it always was...but it just seems so much more pronounced now that corporations have taken over the world. I figure back in the day it was always the most powerful institution, be it the Church, the Military, etc. that controls the policy decreed by the presiding political body, but the propoganda they spew 'that it's always in the best interest of the citizenry' is ridiculous. Desperation to hold on to power by throwing the citizens you've vowed to represent under the bus....very admirable.

But I digress....

I really wish the noise and dissent about Sochi would get louder since I think the IOC is about as corrupt and entitled a political body as they come and they deserve a big reality check. I can't stand to see the images of Russian GBLT people being assaulted, jailed, killed simply for trying to lives their lives as honestly as they can.  However, the emotional side of me loves the Olympics...I know most of you could not give a shit about Winter Olympics, but they are a big fucking deal in Canada. I grew up playing hockey, curling, x-c and downhill skiing, speedskating...they are all part of the Canadian experience. We really do all freak out a bit when the Winter Olympics come; that we hosted them the last time was something this country embraces as part of our collective history. And I do - REALLY DO - love watching young fit buff men do their thing in skintight aerodynamic outfits....I mean, who doesn't...oh, did you not know that about me yet?!?! ;)

The rational side of my brain should prevail. Screw you Putin, screw you Zhuravlev, screw you Kremlin, screw you anti-gay law, screw you IOC. You all suck and I hope you pay for your attempts to trample human rights. And I hope a heat wave blasts the Black Sea and the Winter Olympics are a disaster, beautiful men in spandex or not!

Inflatable Wank

Hard Play

I finally got around to doing some research on this film that came out earlier this year and found out that Hard Play encompasses several scenes that I've wanted to find out the source of for some time! This is one hot fucking film by Cazzo Club, I think I might get a membership just to get my hands on this film. Some of my favorite porn stars doing the things they do best. Cazzo also isn't a company to shy away from rubber, bondage, leather and fisting.

A new Cazzo fisting movie called Hard Play is coming out soon. It features international porn stars such as Cutler X and Dolan Wolf who both perform for the first time for Cazzo. Geoffrey Paine, Christian Herzog  and Jordan Fox are Cazzo Favorites. Sylvain Lyk already gave a stunning fisting performance in Krass. Fernand Dutch and Lobo Bayard are newcomers. For Lobo it was his very first shoot – but certainly not his last.