I'm reading a book on grieving provided by a friend who's been through the loss of a spouse more than once, unfortunately. Fortunate for me, however, to have such a good friend that has been one of my best shoulders to cry on and most consistent providers of support and advice.
Reading from the book today, it suggested several grieving exercises to do at certain points over the course of the next couple of years. One of these exercises is to write a letter to the one you loved and lost, and re-read it as many times as required over the next year until you are no longer reduced to tears by reading it.
This is s great exercise that I think I will embark on tomorrow while things are quiet and relaxed in the afternoon. I really have a lot of things I want to say to Murad that I obviously didn't get to say before he left - how special he is, how impactful on my life he is, how deeply he was loved, how inexplicably lonely and miserable I am now that he's gone, how sorry I am about how things turned out, and how much I miss him. And what a sexy fucker he was. I had never met anyone as kinky, playful, and sexually voracious as he was. I am a bit freaked out that I will never achieve that dynamic and compatibility with anyone ever again.
Once again my wise friend put me on the right path. There should not be any worry in this process. My relationship with Murad was unique and will never be duplicated so I shouldn't be already thinking about comparing anything in the future to what I had and lost. Future relationships will have their own merits and be amazing in their own different ways therefore it is unreasonable and unfair to even make comparisons. There is also the possibility I have to consider that I might have just had my most intense, endearing soulmate relationship. It's now gone and I have to deal with that.
One of the strongest messages out of the book I'm reading now is that grieving can end up being a positive experience if you work at it and ensure you complete the process; that there truly is life after loss. The only way to grieve is to go directly through it; once you're out on the other side, the possibilities for living a full life are immense. I know I'll eventually get there but for now I just want to focus on giving Murad the proper farewell he deserves.
2 comments:
Reid, this is a very positive thing to do,and i congratulate your friend for giving you this most important book.He is obviously someone who loves you very much to suggest reading it.
Thinking of you
Duncanx.
take care R.
I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss, Rubber Canuck.
I think the letter is definitely a good idea. I did the same thing when I was dealing with the loss of someone I loved very much and still miss to this day.
You may find, as I did, that you never really get over such a loss. Rather, the person becomes a part of you in a deeply personal way.
For me, the tears would come (and still do) at the most unexpected times. When I see someone on the street who looks like him, or when I hear a certain phrase in conversation with others.
Anyway, hang in there.
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