If you fist beyond the rectum you may encounter several problems and complications are more likely to occur. There are no receptors to register pain above the rectum. Perforations and subsequent bleeding can go unnoticed for several hours. You’re more inclined to press against and bruise other body organs. You may damage the upper sphincter muscle so that it doesn’t close property (but still has to regulate shit passing between the sigmoid colon and rectum) which can result in leaks or shitting yourself.
If a person allows you deep into their body, they are putting a tremendous amount of trust in you. Be extremely gentle and careful and take all movement slowly. Sudden movements can be very painful. Never do anything that could tear or injure. The more you go in, the more you might find yourself pressing against your partner’s organs, so take great care. If the fistee wants you to be up there, he will be encouraging you.
First, if you’re into controlling others in sex or if your trip is power, then don’t fist unless it is part of an agreed scene. An experienced fister knows that such control is a fantasy. When you’re buried inside someone else, it is the fistee that allows you the privilege of being there. They are putting trust in you that you will respect their vulnerability and together create a combined energy that neither of you could ever create on your own. A good fister is totally focused on the needs of the fistee and is aware that each partner is different physically and mentally. There is no one best way to do anything and using a particular technique on one person may not work on another.
Before you start, choose which hand you’re going to use. A combination of fisting and then wanking with the same hand could increase the risk of infections both ways. Remove all rings, jewellery or sharp objects, which may cause damage or just get lost! If you are going to fist ‘bareback’ i.e without gloves then check to make sure your fingernails are cut short so as to not tear the lining of the rectum. If you do have cuts or 'hangnails’ then it would be advisable to wear gloves. Cover your entire hand and partner’s arsehole with a generous coating of lubricant. The kind of lubricant depends on your personal preference. Then slowly press in and out with one finger. When there is no resistance, increase to two. Try using just a thumb, using its base to broaden the opening further, and twisting slowly. When your partner is ready, gently work in three fingers until you find yourself to the knuckles. Each time you come out add more lubricant making sure there’s lubricant ahead of you. This will prevent drying out which can cause major discomfort for both of you. Initial opening up is often a slow process.
Never rush, savour the moment and take your time. Do not assume that gaining entrance (past your knuckles) to the rectum will be quick and easy. It is often the greatest challenge for fisters and the most likely point when inexperienced fistees will want to have a break or stop altogether. Before gaining full entry into the rectum, find an angle of approach that fists most comfortably and try to avoid pushing against any bony structure.
Often the most sensuous moment of the session is the gentle slide of your hand into the cavity. If they take them, some fistees like their first hit of poppers at this point. Enter just as slowly as possible allowing your partner to savour the moment. Once inside, rest a few seconds until your partner’s body has had time to adjust. To confirm adequate relaxation, it may be appropriate to come out completely, slowly and carefully, and re-enter again. Above all, be sensitive to the needs of your partner and you’ll know what to do when you get there. Your hand is now situated in your partner’s rectum, which is about 8-10 inches (20-25cm) deep and will expand on stretching. Having entered the rectum you should curve your fingers to make a fist with your thumb inside, although practice will provide variations on this. Once you’ve settled inside, a gentle in-and-out motion (without pulling out of the cavity) will usually help your partner relax. Taking cues from your partner, allow yourself to be subtly creative, changing the speed, twist and depth.
As you gently work yourself inside, allow your hand to slowly open. Then go slowly - and gently - feeling your way deeper into the passage. Your partner will probably let you know with groans and moans whether to proceed or stay right where you are. Also he will tell you when it’s time for a break perhaps having cum, sensed impending soreness, reached exhaustion or just a need to rest from the overwhelming experience and emotion. Sometimes you’ll be the one who initiates the break, realising that your partner is overdoing it or that your hand is getting dry. Sometimes, you will reach orgasm or just run out of energy. Your break may be for a few seconds or may signal a major rest period, or perhaps your partner may have had just enough for that session. As you become more experienced with each other, fisters will be able to gauge how much the fistee can take in a session. A thoughtful fistee will also make sure to see to their partner’s needs.
In theory, almost anyone can take a hand inside the rectum although few people have the ability to relax enough to do it easily or at will. The technique is about learning to relax and let go rather than stretching the anal canal - allowing your arse muscles to accept entrance from the outside with the same ease they should be allowing release from the inside.
You can loosen up by using increasingly larger dildos and butt-plugs. A more effective way is to increase control of your sphincter muscles by exploring your arse with your own fingers, (clean and lubed of course). Once again - practice is the name of the game. Explore gently, see how this part of your body reacts to deep breathing or thoughts of fear and relaxation. Remember. Go slowly, take your time and don’t push; it’s not a race or competition. If your arse feels threatened or attacked it will react in fear, and tighten up. (As mentioned earlier, douching will help familiarise yourself with your arse - getting a sense of where things are and their dimensions). With greater control dildos and butt-plugs will be more pleasurable and give you experience in stretching and taking more and more inside you. A fistee needs to remain relaxed, which is helped by practice. Breathing deeply, rather than holding your breath, will often help. You should be pulling or willing your partner in so that there’s no need to push. Sometimes pushing out as if shitting, then pulling in can make a difference.
As a fistee you have a responsibility to let your partner know you’re okay. You should also be aware that your partner may need a break and has needs of his own, which a considerate fistee will attempt to meet. If you sense or feel discomfort or have pain tell your partner to slow down, take a break or stop. It’s your body - if it’s telling you something: listen. Pain could mean that you’re going to be sore later or hurt. More importantly, if your partner isn’t listening or thinks they know better question whether they’re suitable and maybe suggest they take their frustrations elsewhere. Ultimately, it is trust - the absence of fear - that not only makes taking a hand possible but makes it the great experience it can be. You also have a responsibility to let your partner know when it’s feeling good. Support them all you can: maybe talk, moan or groan, or if you can touch him respond to movements you can feel inside.
BLOOD SORENESS PAIN & DAMAGE
A little soreness is common and usually goes away in an hour or so and it may also indicate that your partner went in or came out a bit too fast. The most common feeling is that your arse feels like it is purring (A la Eartha Kitt). Sometimes air will have worked its way into the system but this will feel no different from standard gas pain and will work its way through in time. Once the prostate and bladder have been stimulated, it’s also common to feel the need to piss afterwards and often not be able to do so easily. As stated earlier, there are risks associated with fisting and damage can happen and can include perforations or holes in your lower intestine. These may be little (or not so little) fissures or splits or can range from bleeding to a prolapsed rectum requiring surgery. You should not underestimate any of these problems or complications. This is usually as a result of the fister being unnecessarily rough or the fistee being too drugged up to recognise their limitations. A tear or perforation may not be noticed for an hour or two. Internal pain (that often increases over time) and or undiluted blood is an indication of damage. Douching after a session is not a good idea as this can aggravate any minor cuts or abrasions. In the remote possibility that there are minute perforations or tears, douching is likely to make them more severe.
Don’t hesitate to seek medical help immediately. Try not to be embarrassed or apologetic if you have to go to an Accident and Emergency Department. Although hospital staff may think what you’ve done is strange, they should deal with you professionally and will have very possibly seen it all before. If you have perforated your bowel going to hospital can save your life.
FEELING SICK DROWSINESS & FOOD
After your session, you may feel the need to shit out the lube and any mucus, and this is not unnatural, given what you have just been doing. Take your time, and don’t strain. You may also feel sick, drowsy or perhaps a little confused. Between heavy breathing, smoke from candles, incense, cigarettes, and using poppers or other drugs you may have used up much of the oxygen in the room. All you might need is to open the windows or go for a short walk. Alternatively, you may just want to sleep! You may also feel hungry, so if you can, plan ahead and have something easy to make or ready made. Even if you don’t have the munchies, make sure you drink lots of non-alcoholic fluids.
( Condoms gloves and lubricants )
While many of us know how to protect ourselves, some of us have taken the decision not to, and the reasons for this are varied and complex. Knowledge about HIV, the assumptions we make about others, the trust we place in our partner(s), knowing one’s status, how we feel about ourselves, feeling horny, and being in love - all play a part in the decisions we take, whether we realise it or not. When we don’t protect ourselves, finding out why, dealing with guilt or simply talking about it is not easy. 'Bareback’ sex (fucking without condoms) is something that I am not going to get into on these pages, sufficed to say, that those who do it, do it for their own reasons, and provided all those concerned are in possession of the facts about each others status (HIV/HBV etc.) and are happy to continue knowing the risks, then that is their decision. There are those more capable and qualified to provide the support and education needed.
However, we learn to live with the implications of the decisions we make. Talking with friends is not the answer, and ultimately we must decide for ourselves what risks we’re prepared to take, but it may be helpful. There are an increasing number of services specifically for gay men that can support us to make intelligent, well-informed decisions about our sexual health, and they are not there simply to tell us to 'practise safer sex!’
HIV & STD’S
For there to be a risk from HIV infection three things have to happen:
HIV has to be in pre-cum, cum or blood, but since we invariably don’t know if a person’s body fluids are infected with HIV, we should always assume that they are. Piss, shit and saliva are okay by themselves (although they might carry the risk of other STD’s) but are also a risk of HIV infection if they are mixed with cum, pre-cum or blood
There has to be a way (or route) for the virus to get into the bloodstream, like broken skin, a nick or cut, a sore, or a wound. Although we might think that no route exists, it’s impossible to check out the inside of your arse or be certain that our hands are in good condition.
Something has to happen (or an activity) involving 1 and 2. Using dildos, fucking, or fisting would be three examples of activities where pre-cum, cum or blood could present a risk of infection
In addition to HIV there is the risk of other sexually transmitted diseases. These include: the hepatitis viruses (which can fuck up your liver), gonorrhoea (which can be like pissing jagged razor blades), and syphilis (with painless sores that, if left untreated, can lead to more severe health problems). Last, but by no means least, there is herpes and warts. In the earlier stages, many of these STD’s can have few or no symptoms so regular check-ups are essential.
RUBBER (LATEX) GLOVES
Not everyone uses gloves for fisting. Some people find that wearing them defeats the object, that it’s physical closeness of 'naked’ hand against arse mixed with the intensity of the scene - which turns both partners on and plays a major part in completing the experience. It is generally accepted that if your hands and fingers are in good condition the risk of HIV is relatively low. However, you will reduce the risk further by wearing gloves and if you feel safer wearing them - use them. Wearing gloves creates a barrier between infections (present in blood, cum, piss and shit) and routes into your bloodstream (like cuts, sores, abrasions, broken skin and wounds). It also means that a shitty-gloved hand can be pulled off, turned inside out and disposed of easily.
Some clinics give away gloves but you will probably have to ask for them. You can buy them in shops; unfortunately you will often find that retailers have bought them in bulk, split them into pairs and are knocking them out at vastly inflated prices. Whether gloves come individually, in pairs or in bulk (boxes of 50 or 100), the standards to which they have been made should be clearly visible, Gloves should meet the International ISO 9002 or British Standard BS4005. 1995 also saw the arrival of the CE European Standard. If you don’t see these standards you should ask if they are medical grade A examination gloves, (not to be confused with grade B gloves which are for non-clinical use).
You should remove all rings, jewellery or sharp objects before putting on gloves which should fit snugly. The chart should help you decide the best size for you. Obviously, the better they fit - the more you will be able to feel. Generally, gloves covering your hands to the wrist are suitable although some brands have longer cuffs. Some gloves come pre-powdered which can make them easier to put on, but the powder can irritate the arse if it gets inside. Veterinary (calving) gloves can be used for fisting although you may find that they restrict your hand and finger movements, and sense of touch.