The Loneliness of the Long-term Fetishist

I just finished watching John Samson's "Dressing for Pleasure", the BBC Production from 1977 again. The part that really made me think was the interview near the end of the documentary where the couple that own the fetish shop and tailor their own clothing were remarking on the types of customers they get coming into the shop and submitting orders. What really struck me was the generalization they made that most of their customers appeared to be 'lonely people'. I find this very interesting, and it is maybe a characteristic angle I had never really looked at before when trying to define the personality traits that trigger one to become a fetishist in the first place.

Personality-wise, I have never thought of myself as a 'lonely' person. Solitary in many ways, yes, lonely, no. I don't have many people in my life that I connect to on a very fundamental level, but I don't attribute that to the idea that I can't connect to people; it's simply that I haven't found the people that I trust and can connect with on that level to actually connect with. I can see how a shy, lonely person might find rubber fetishism intriguing as it allows you to change who you are or metaphorically protect yourself from the outside world in a form that really isn't you. However, I know that there are many extroverted rubberists out there too, and couples that obviously can define the boundaries of a successful relationship with rubber fetishism being an important characteristic of what that relationship is.

I think if you consider 'lonely' in the context of a fetish itself, then, yes, lonely might be a way to categorize how many fetishists feel - not being able to express their energy, desires and wants in a way that anyone (or society at large) who doesn't understand 'it' would actually understand 'it'. I know I fight those feelings of hesitation and possibly even embarrassment from time to time, and I'm sure many other fetishists do too.

You have to also take into context when the film was made -- there was no Internet or media pervasiveness in 1977 like there is today. But do you think some of that statement still rings true? I think it might be -- to develop a strong sexual connection to something other than (or in addition to) other people certainly has a sense of solitary and singularity to it...it's something that only a person could develop within themselves. Sure there might be outside cultural influences in what direction a particular fetish takes, but for the most part, the development of a fetish is an internalized, extremely personal process.

And before the advent of communication channels to allow fetishists all over the world to connect, for most of them it was a lonely world. It's wonderful that that isn't the case anymore, or should I say that the opportunities to communicate with other like-minded folk is there that wasn't before.

I encourage anyone who has the opportunity to attend a fetish event to do so. It is a very liberating experience when you finally understand that fetish is such a broad, undefinable term that essentially affects every one of us to some extent.