Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Daddy Issues

How I learned to love being a Daddy

An unexpected hookup, a magic word, and the strange psychology of age-play

By Kevin Moroso, Daily Xtra
Published on Fri, Jan 27, 2017 4:21 pm.

“I now had a boy. I told him to be a good boy and that daddy was going to use his ass. This conversation had made me rock hard.” Indiana Joel/Daily Xtra

It was just going to be another hookup. He was more than 10 years my junior, with dark hair but pale skin — a cutie off BBRT. We didn’t chat much online beforehand; it was pretty straightforward: I top, he bottoms, all bareback.

Jacob was just as cute as his profile pics when he arrived, though very shy, and we went straight into the bedroom. I pinned him down, stripped off his clothes, made out for a while, then flipped his legs up over my shoulders and began to fuck him. I looked down on him, his eyes shut, as he moaned — I figured my cock was doing the trick. He didn’t say anything until, after about four minutes, he blurted out, “Yes daddy.” My eyes widened.

I continued to fuck him and, for some reason, those words hadn’t made me soft. In fact, the words “yes son” kept running through my head until I finally came. He got dressed and left.

I’d heard younger homos call older guys “daddy” before. But it generally didn’t seem like a fetish. I always saw it as akin to calling someone a bear, an otter, a cub or a twink. It was simply a playful word used to describe an older guy in the gay scene.

I’d only ever been called daddy once before. It was by a flirtatious younger guy I knew out on the scene. It had actually made me deeply uncomfortable because he was into me sexually as well — what am I, some pervert into incest and kids? I don’t think so.

But for some reason, I didn’t feel that discomfort with Jacob. A couple of weeks later, I received a text while I was out shopping. Jacob wanted to come over again. We arranged it for a couple of hours later. But I had to ask him one more thing.

“So, you know that word you called me last time during sex?” I texted him.

He replied that he was really embarrassed about it. I told him, “No, please don’t be embarrassed. Actually, I was wondering if you could call me that some more this time.” He replied with a smiley face and “YES!”

It seemed obvious that it was a fetish he didn’t like to be open about it, but now that the cat was out of the bag and I was into it, he was excited.

He called me daddy a few times as we had sex. I was starting to kind of like it but I still wasn’t sure this was a fetish of mine yet. Unfortunately, that was the last time we hooked up, so I wasn’t to figure that out for a while.

Around a year later, I started chatting with a younger guy on Grindr, and I mean younger — 18! I don’t think I’d hooked up with anyone that young since, well, I was that young.

Our first hookup almost didn’t happen. We had arranged a time for me to come over after work and I texted him when I was about to leave. The boy asked if I could bring over lube and condoms. I told him I had lube on me but that I don’t use condoms. He told me he always uses condoms the first time if he doesn’t know a guy. Usually that would put a stop to any potential meetup for me but, for some reason, I still wanted to see this boy. Maybe it was because I was super horny at the time, or maybe it was because I was excited to meet up with an 18 year old. So I told the boy I could come over and we could have some fun, just no anal, and he was up for it.

I got to the boy’s home about 30 minutes later and we went into his bedroom. He was a chipper little guy. Skinny, milky white, shorter than me, rosy cheeks, a big smile, and funky dyed hair. We made out, got naked, and started to suck each other off. At one point, I held him down with my hand gently around his neck. The boy moaned. So I decided to squeeze a little harder. The boy moaned louder. This was a kinky little guy!

I smacked his butt. The boy moaned. So I started spanking him harder and his moans got louder. After a little while, we both came. “I noticed you seem to like it a bit rough,” I said. He grinned and nodded. I told him he needed to come to my place next time — I’ve got quite the toy collection I could use on him. He was very pleased.

Over the next couple of days, I probed him a bit more by text to see what he was into. Getting tied up? Check. Getting gagged? Check. Getting spanked and flogged? Check. Me pumping him full of cum? Check. The boy came over another couple of times and, oh my, could that kid take a beating. His milky white skin turned bright red every time.

Then one time, as we lay naked in my bed, me spooning him, he turned his head around and asked me what he should call me. I flipped the question around and asked him what he thinks I’d like to be called. It was about to turn into 20 questions. Master? Ya, that would be okay — can you think of anything else? Sir? Sure, that’s okay — can you think of anything else? His eyes widened and with inflection and a big smile, he asked, “Daddy?”

“That’s a good boy.”

And that’s how it happened. I now had a boy. I told him to be a good boy and that daddy was going to use his ass. This conversation had made me rock hard.

While we were still spooning, I took my hand, grabbed my cock that was still lubed up from our earlier fuck, pushed it up against his hole and slid it in. I began telling him what a good boy he was for letting daddy use his hole. He’s a loud guy and he moaned loud enough that it was almost certain my neighbours could hear. I began thrusting into him harder and deeper and he screamed, and I mean screamed, “Daddy, daddy, give me your cock.” I asked him if he wanted daddy’s seed in him and he screamed, “Yes daddy, I want your seed.”

Well, that set me off like a volcano. We regularly met up over the next eight months, until his term was over at university and he went back home for the summer.

I became less interested in flogging him and stuck more to the daddy-son fetish with him. For many, those two can go hand in hand. But I began to realize that didn’t work for me. I began to learn that I was aroused by this incest role play but I couldn’t associate it with violence. I determined it was likely to do with my upbringing — while I had been physically disciplined as a child, it was never harsh and I just could not associate parents and their kids with violence. I preferred to be affectionate with him during these scenes, if also firm and forceful.

How, though, could I associate sex with parents? I’ve yet to figure that one out. If you’d asked me a couple years earlier if this could’ve turned me on, I would’ve said, “Hell no.” But as I delved deeper into the fetish world, I was becoming better at disassociating reality from fantasy. It was playful. It was fun. This didn’t mean I had some deep-seated desire to molest my children. In fact, it was quite normal, since many of our erotic memories stem from our childhoods. It also gave me the opportunity to be both nurturing and in control — two strong aspects of my personality. Call me the benevolent dictator of the bedroom.

When the boy returned to Vancouver after the summer to begin his next term, we met up a couple of times. However, I think we both realized things had run their course. As sexually exciting as it had been, we lived very different lives and had very different interests. The relationship wasn’t going to develop into something deeper beyond friendship and sex. I definitely still think of him fondly, though, and am grateful he helped me become comfortable with this sexual fantasy of mine.

Kevin Moroso’s Filling Station column runs monthly on Daily Xtra on the last Friday of the month.

Kevin is a good friend of mine. I talked to him about this article, and how the Daddy-Son relationship I find myself in now is something that I'm growing into as well. As you know, Wardog and I entered a Daddy-son relationship over the holidays. It was a bit weird for me at the start but I'm quite enjoying the label now. I've always been protective and supportive of his 25-year old 'innocence' while trying to hone his strengths and give him mature-perspective direction in improving his weaknesses (you know, the regular 25-yo-easily-distracted-and-kinda-lazy stuff...). Because it's so much more than sexual and we've both professed our love for each other, I feel the role and label fit me and describe our relationship even better than what we had before! It's hard to believe we've been nurturing this relationship for 3 years already. I don't like the 'incest' connotations, I see it so much as a different type of sexual/power dynamic. One more about care and protection for the boy as opposed to the more authoritative and dominating Sir role. I do love how he appreciates my maturity and experience and looks up to me as a role model and our mutual respect for one another. I do feel responsible for his well-being and always have the 'campsite rule' in the back of my head when I interact with him. I appreciate his youth and vibrancy, he definitely keeps me feeling young! And of course, since the start, the sex with him has always been mind-blowing. I never thought I'd get into a relationship like this, but there you go!

Here is another article from Kevin in Homoculture:  

How to be a good daddy

So you’ve finally admitted it – you like younger guys. It really is okay (caveat: if they’re above the age of consent; otherwise, go seek help now). For one thing, an older guy with a younger woman is very common. As well, differentials in age have always been common in the gay community and are becoming much more so as the stigma around these types of relationships becomes less and less. There are many benefits to dating or sleeping with a younger man – their more youthful bodies, their energy, how they challenge all the stale things you do in your life. Plus, because they’re generally new to things, they’re more willing to try things out.

However, with the fun comes responsibility. You’re a daddy now and you’re expected to do more than just have great sex. As the older and hopefully wiser one in the relationship, you have an important role to play. Here are some tips on how to be a responsible daddy to your boy.

Mentor. You’ve probably been through everything your boy is going to face. Broken hearts, a boss that’s a jerk, trouble getting assignments done, how to navigate the gay scene. You’re as much a mentor as you are a partner or friend. Offer constructive advice when needed and a sympathetic ear. Use examples from your past to help teach him and hopefully he can avoid some of the mistakes you made.

Open minded. Yes you’re a mentor. But you also don’t know everything. Your boy has had experiences himself that you haven’t and you need to understand and accept that. You won’t always be right and you’ve got stuff to learn from him as well. He’s from a different generation and brings a perspective to things that you don’t have. So be open minded and be willing to learn from him. Don’t be an arrogant daddy who thinks he knows everything.

Sex. You’ve likely got a lot of sexual experience under your belt and that’s likely what your boy is looking for. Having sex with guys his own age has likely been awkward and hasn’t always been a fun time. He’s probably also into some kink or at least wants to explore it, something that younger guys have difficulty admitting to each other. Conversely, he’s probably not sure what he’ll enjoy and what his limits are. Make sure you start out slow and slowly build up over time, talking after each session to know what he liked and didn’t like. But he also wants you to be confident in the bedroom and doesn’t mind letting you take charge – after all, a daddy-son dynamic is very similar to a dom-sub one, albeit possibly with more affection. So have lots of fun and show your boy how to be a man in the sack.

Stability. One of the reasons your boy is looking for a daddy is to have some stability in his life. His life will often be chaotic, not sure what direction in life he’s heading, unable to plan more than a week in advance, struggles with rent and roommates, etc. But as a daddy, you’re expected to have a stable job, have a safe warm home, and not get thrown into a panic at the slightest sign of a problem.

Reliability. We kind of expect the young ones to be flakey at times and, while you shouldn’t be a door mat, you also shouldn’t get too upset when your boy isn’t reliable. However, they want and need you to be reliable. When you make plans, stick to them as best as possible so he knows that you’re someone in his life that he can always rely on to be true to his word.

Gifts. Be careful. Most of you aren’t wealthy enough to throw money around and you don’t want to buy love – he should be into you whether you’re rich or poor. You also don’t know if this relationship will last so depleting your retirement savings is not a good idea. However, you likely have a lot more money than your boy with a stable income, so buying him things once in a while is okay, as long as it doesn’t set the tone of your relationship.

Meals. You probably have finer, more expensive tastes in food than your boy and you probably want to expose him to these. However, your boy probably doesn’t have the money to go out for a nice dinner often. You should treat him once in a while but you don’t want to create an expectation that you’ll always pay. There’s a solution – your kitchen. You’ve probably got everything in your kitchen that you need to make a fabulous meal and you probably know how to cook as well. And nothing is sexier than cooking a fancy dinner at home with your boy. So show him your more expensive tastes but spend less money by making it at home.

Alcohol and drugs. Your boy is young and will likely drink more heavily than you and will probably do drugs. And telling someone not to do those things has never worked. Your role is not to stop them – you’re not a real parent and your boy is old enough to make these decisions for himself. However, you do need to look out for him. If you’re out partying, your job is to make sure he’s safe and makes it home okay. And if he starts to show signs of addiction or overuse, make sure you’re they’re to support him in a non-judgmental way or else he may just ignore you and cut you out.

Have a fantastic time with your boy, feel as young as him and don’t let your age stop you from doing anything that he would do. But be a good daddy, the responsible guy that he needs.

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