These are the author's reasons, summarized:
1. Because we are surrounded by images of perfect bodies.
2. Because we compare ourselves with our partners.
3. Because if you’re a gay guy with a boyfriend, what he sees every day in the locker room make you jealous (sic).
4. Because our most cherished community leaders are bartenders (sic).
5. Because gay people are more successful than other people, which makes them more competitive with each other, which makes them more competitive about what their bodies look like.
6. Because we are always running around with our shirts off.
7. Because of fear.
8. Because all our friends look like Ken Dolls.
9. Because our most cherished teachers are personal trainers (sic).
10. Because we have nothing better to do.
Okay, first off, this is supposedly written tongue-in-cheek. Second of all, it's written by a West Hollywood gay. So we know: 1. This was written by someone living in a bubble, and 2. These are definitely not facts, but only opinions. Regardless, whether this is honest expression or not, it does reflect on a lot of body-consciousness, self-absorption, and self-esteem issues gay men have.
Generic gay culture (eg., that of the A-gays we see on Bravo!) is the WORST culture to follow if you're looking for self-esteem and leaders of any character. It is generally shallow and visually-obsessed...and I don't say this lightly. We used to be cultural leaders and early adopters ourselves but somewhere in the past 15 years we lost our way and now seem to cow-tow to whatever capital-driven trend and tendency fed to us by pop culture. We so desperately want to be 'normal' we've given up everything that was special and unique about being gay and we've collectively become as lame and boring as the suburbanites.
Those of older generations, and some of those of the current generations grow up hearing over and over that they are sub-standard or abnormal people which of course leads to low self-esteem. I deal with this internalized homophobia as well from time to time. We all do to some extent when trying to figure out who we really are and what we represent. Gay culture has become so clone-like and vapid because it has been high-jacked by corporate, money-driven, shallow and hedonistic aims, it only makes issues with self-esteem and anxiety even worse. I sometimes feel so disappointed with the gay community; that there could be so much more accomplished and actualized but everyone seems complacent because 'the big fights' have already been fought and with social media and smartphones there isn't even any need for most gays to interact with their community at all anymore, so they don't whether they know better or not. I used to think that the AIDS crisis generated this huge generational divide between older gay generations and younger ones, but now I don't think it really matters. Gay culture as much as straight culture has become bland, institutionalized and homogenized for easy mass consumption. I think gays have become complacent with this because it is so much easier to aspire for shallow aims than for the true soul-shaking ones.
A lot of these guys that are aspiring for gym-body perfection spend so much time working on this they neglect challenging themselves in others areas of their lives such as their intelligence and personalities. Because
"Readin' and learnin' are SO HARD! Why can't I just work on my pecs?"
I guess maybe this hits such a nerve for me because I have seen both sides of the coin. I came out late; as I was developing my gay self in my late 20s and 30s, I was one of those gym people who concerned myself with becoming more defined and thin, though I was going through this a bit differently as a competitive athlete wanting to become stronger and faster and not so much doing it for esthetics - because I wanted to be more desirable to other men (though of course this passed through my mind as a great benefit, for sure); I was a little older and wiser than most guys doing the same thing at a younger age. I believe this is why I didn't OBSESS over it. Now that I'm even older, with a few more grey hairs and more weight around my gut, I am floored by how nasty and snide some gay men can be when they make negative comments about my weight or my age (and rarely anything positively reinforcing). It really sucks because that shit makes you feel worse about yourself and we all tend to take the criticism of our peers more to heart than those of the general population even when you know that it's all superficial and ridiculous. We are all our own worst enemies, and it seems like the gay community has no problem running a close second to our own criticisms of ourselves when it comes to cutting our own kind down and making ourselves feel worthless or insecure. Self-loathing and marginalization breeds more self-loathing and marginalization, apparently. Fuck you, generic urban gay community! We have permitted our own culture (or whatever's left of it) to enslave us.
It makes me think of a couple of examples. Starting with the infamous stories about the gym-perfect guys who descend on Palm Springs for the White Party every year. They have spent the last year working so hard on their bodies that when they arrive they forget how to interact with other guys and end up not getting any sex or having any fun because they are all fluff, no substance and don't understand why they aren't able to meet other guys and make connections. Yes, this story isn't really accurate anymore since the advent of social media, Grindr and Scruff and their ilk, but it kinda makes the point I was trying to make. The other example are the sad, seemingly neverending stories of the male model/porn star suicides. Given how many beautiful underwear models/porn stars/bartenders at the ‘top’ of our food chain end up committing suicide, possibly there is only a false and fleeting sense of security in feeling like one of the most attractive people in the room. All of that beauty is masking the feeling of ugliness that is so deep rooted (thanks to churches, or families, or mainstream culture, or *gasp*, the gay community itself) that there aren’t enough gym routines in the world to ever be free of it. And so the only option is suicide. Mr. Mason summed it up nicely earlier this year.
Everything in gay culture has been commoditized to consumable chunks now, which is why we are no longer the cultural leaders we used to be.
I think as we get older we simply get more self-actualized. At least some of us do....there are definitely guys in their 40s and 50s that don't 'get it'. The physical and superficial is fleeting and is not what will carry you into your later years. There are some guys out there that still try to achieve the shallow aims of their 20s and 30s and find themselves chronically undateable because, well, because their personalities SUCK. They don't get it and they probably never will until it's too late. They will continue to pile on plastic surgery, lifts and implants, and supplements and gym time delaying the inevitable until it's too late for them to learn that this stuff was the stuff that mattered the LEAST. I'm only saying some guys are like this, obviously not all. I like to believe that my partner and my friends like me for who I am and vice versa. We don't really worry so much about how we look except to try and suggest ways to improve ourselves. We certainly aren't model material and we're okay with that! We certainly are a lot more comfortable in our own skins than we were 10 or 20 years ago and we realize that, yes, your body needs to be healthy because it's connected to your general health, your mental health, your longevity and how you will fare in your shadow years...though we still have that nagging feeling in the back of our heads that if we just lost that last 2 kilograms, we'd be so much more desirable to so many suitors. Is that really the truth? Probably not as much as we're led to believe.
I don't really take much of what pop culture has to say anymore, not only because I'm no longer in the target demographic, but when mature adults are basing their decisions on the wisdom of 18-year olds, you know society is fucked. Why we exalt the rich, beautiful, and muscular when they are precisely the reason we're all so fucked in the head, exhausted, insecure, and desperate to get even a tiny share of the pie is something I'll never figure out. Today, this is all driven by the capitalist need to have us feel inferior, frustrated, and unsatisfied with ourselves so that we will buy buy buy their shit to make ourselves feel better.
It leads back to the truth of why theocracies, empires, and dictatorships have dominated human collective existence by magnitudes over democracies and open societies: it is much easier to follow and not question or criticize since that requires assuming risk, exerting ourselves, and making an effort to learn something. It is much easier to blindly follow and have what appears to be comfort and safety than to risk one's comfort in order to aspire for egalitarianism and self-actualization for all. That kind of talk doesn't sell high-end fashion, facelifts, pharmaceuticals, or home gyms.
But I digress. It is a complicated issue. Wow, this turned out to be a rant more than anything. Sorry about that. I think I just needed to vent on how ridiculous gay culture has become...we are all so insecure and lost. I don't know what we need to do to get back on track. As long as general culture is in just as bad (if not worse) shape I doubt there is anything gays can do except look introspectively and realize how stupid these dead-end aspirations are. If we can get past the shackles of self-loathing and feelings of marginalization, maybe if we can look at ourselves and see the world for what it really is (this is definitely something we do better than the unchallenged worldview of the white hetero male worldview that dominates our society), maybe we can be the ones who get the ball rolling to initiate these changes that are so desperately needed in our society and community to make it more inclusive and healthy for everyone.
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